W10: IS IT A SANDWICH?!?!?!

Not A Sandwich

Regarding the subject of identifying sandwiches from other food items, United States Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart once famously declared "I know it when I see it." I'll have to agree with Stewart on this call. If I was forced to define the term "sandwich," I'd describe it as a meal in which some type of edible material was stacked in between two pieces of bread-product. Or Something. Sure, it may be a hazy definition filled with plenty of gray matter (or hopefully not, in the case of an actual sandwich), but I refuse to go through life as a narrow minded buffoon who maintains a strict definition of a sandwich. Not everything can be answered with a strictly black-and-white response; some things are more complicated than that, and those things are usually sandwiches.

The most common question I receive throughout the course of a day is "but Milo, if you define a sandwich as 'some type of edible material was stacked in between two pieces of bread-product' then, pray tell, how would you define something as simple as the common hot dog?" Unfortunately, I haven't an answer to this vast and complex query. By sheer definition, there shouldn't be anything wrong with calling a hot dog a sandwich. The hot dog is (arguably) made out of meat, and it's layered in a bun; buns, being a food item that bread is in! It all should add up, but when you yell "I'll have a sandwich with mayonnaise and relish!" to a hot dog vendor at a sporting event, you're bound to receive some questioning glares from those sitting around you. Not only because hot dogs are rarely thought of to be "sandwiches," but because mayonnaise and relish is a disgusting combination and nobody should put both on their food.

Another question that keeps me up at night is "if sandwiches are covered back-to-back in bread products, then what's a Double-Down?" The Double-Down, a KFC product, is a meal consisting of melted cheese and bacon in between two deep fried pieces of chicken. There is no bread to be had, yet the item is advertised as a "sandwich" on KFC's website. Is this false advertising? Additionally, how does one going about describing another fast food mainstay- the quesadilla? What about a crepe? Sure, they're stringy and kind of pointless without enormous dollops of Nutella, but surely there's a case to be made. Why should these items be spurned the "sandwich" label while others reap in it's starchy delight, and roll around in doughy fortunes?

Many of Taco Bell's products could largely be thought of as "sandwiches" according to my vague definition. They contain filling, and are surrounded by bread-product. It's here that I, once more, implore the reader to exercise their own judgment. When you think of a crunch wrap supreme, is the first thought that springs to mind "boy howdy, can't wait to get my hands on one of those tasty sandwiches!" Of course not. It's time for our generation to set this straight and take a stand for what's right, once and for all. While it may fit under many basic definitions, a quesadilla, crepe, or hot dog is anything but a sandwich, and should never be treated as such.